This is not a love letter, nor is it an indictment.
It is a reflection — on endurance, sacrifice, hypocrisy, and the unfair burden society places on women who choose peace until they can no longer remain silent.
This is a tribute to a woman whose pain has become a lesson for many.
My MVP
You have earned my greatest respect and admiration.
Your patience through the many years of trials you endured with your husband is worth commending — but unfortunately, not emulating.
You are a woman of peace who was pushed to the wall and called names simply because you finally decided to fight back.
To raise children who carry no bitterness towards their father shows who you truly are and what you are made of.
To raise children who, in all circumstances, have stayed clear of your legal and traditional battles is a testament to your nobility.
You sacrificed yourself so that we, as women, could learn valuable lessons about life and about this institution called marriage.
Today, we know that we do not need to protect our husbands and their shenanigans with other women. We must expose them early, fight for our place, or leave.
People ask why you stayed all these years, forgetting that you loved your husband. If only the heart and the brain could always agree, you would have left long ago.
Women who fight over their husbands are called foolish and uncultured. Women who stay silent, as you did, still end up with the same name-calling and bashing.
Hmmmmmmmmm!
A man leaves his matrimonial home to live with another woman, yet the wife is blamed for not chasing him around. I still do not understand this. These would have been the same people to accuse you of disgracing your husband and failing to endure.
You loved a man who used you for his selfish gains.
You loved a man who loved no one but himself.
You loved a man who took your love for granted.
You loved a man who was for community service and public use.
In his song “sɛ adɛ an’kye mea,” he said:
“Which woman will tolerate that her husband will be owned by all and sundry?
That the man will roam the world, lie on different beds… awww Serwaa, I’ve missed you.”
This song shows that he knew exactly what he was putting you through — and he did not care. It is painful that you spent your youthful years loving such a person.
Why haven’t your critics asked:
Who took care of you and the children all these years?
Who satisfied your emotional and physical needs all these years?
Who comforted you all these years?
They behave as though, in marriage, only the man deserves care and attention. Such hypocrisy.
You have shown us that we must never invest in a struggling man, but rather find one who is willing to invest in us — because men, they say, cherish the women they spend on.
Through your sacrifice, we have learned that society is sick and will defend wrongdoing at all costs.
You have taught us to always protect our own interests in marriage, because men will always protect theirs.
You have taught us that there is no guaranteed reward for helping a man build a future — because feelings change, and one day, that same man may leave us hanging.
I wish you do not pursue this matter in court again.
I wish you do not involve yourself in the distribution of his wealth, nor take any part of it.
Instead, I wish you write a book or produce a movie. You are an industrious woman, and you can turn this pain into purpose.
I am deeply sorry for all that you have endured.
I pray Jehovah comforts you and grants you peace.
I pray you forgive yourself and your husband.
I pray you forgive the society that failed you.
Above all, I pray you find peace.
I love you, Ma.
I love you so much, and I will always remember you in my prayers.
You have not lost at all.
You sacrificed so that the rest of us could learn.
Thank you.
By Maame Adjoa Nyankopa Williams
